maybe things will get better <3 i hope so...

things have been going pretty good, i think. atleast we're talking and i know he feels the same way. i even saw him today. it made me happy. && it made my heart jump.

my heart may be physically (k, so maybe not) okay but seriously it's breakingggg.

why me?! seriously why me?! nothing ever goes my way. no matter how much i pray and wish, it just doesn't happen. maybe i'll never be happy. for once i'd like things to go my way. i can't seem to make anything work and thats pretty pathetic. but thats life...

WAITING! i hate it. waiting for the results of my echo testing of my heart. it's killling me. && i'm pretty much scared. life sucks. i  can't wait to graduate and get out of here. maybe things will get easier?

oh man..

summer is almost here! i have mixed emotions. i'll be a senior && that pretty much frightens me. my last year in high school and then i'll be in the real world. it's all so overwhelming and scary. i don't know if i'm ready..

but then i'm SUPER excited about senior year. everything about it is exciting. i just can't seem to put into words what i'm feeeling right now. there's so many words that fit what i'm trying to explain; scared, excited, happy, frightened, overwhelmed, and proud. i've made it this far and there is no holding me back now.

yeah so..

i'm not happy?! i don't know anymore. something is bothering me but i can't exactly put my finger on it. i can't seem to hold a steady relationship together. and i can't seem to find a guy who actually truly cares and wants to be there. i keep stumbling upon assholes and i just settle. maybe i shouldn't just settle anymore. infact this summer i'm going to take the iniative to put myself out there. if i like a guy i'm going to tell him. i'm not going to be shy. we'll see what happens

oh && i'm really tired of people talking about me. honestly, if you have something to say just say it to my face. my business really is none of yours. i'm not your fucking girlfriend and, to tell the truth, your a tad bit obsessive. all the texts and your always coming up to me. i hate when people come on too strong and thats exactly what you did. you ruined it for yourself. and MARIE fucking MYNAR keep my name out of your ugly ass mouth. i'm tired of hearing that you are talking about me. it's none of your business who i go out with or who i don't. i told you if i heard it again we would have a problem. and now you do. so you better watch what you say about me because it's really gettting old. i'm not going to do anything but i'm warning you, you better stop it.

end of rant.